On the 8th Day of Thirstmas: Pick Any Skarsgård 

Welcome to the 12 Days of Thirstmas: an extensive examination of all things thirst-worthy in the world of entertainment. Forget parched-ness in a pear tree, if you\'ve been good this year (and especially if you\'ve been naughty), treat yourself to a wide variety of dudes who don\'t just look good in photos, but in GIFs, too.

We have to talk about what\'s going on in the Skarsgård genome. We have to shut down everything until we can figure out what\'s going on. The Skarsgårds are too hot and it\'s disrupting my entire life.

You know the Skarsgårds, obviously. But let\'s review anyway, shall we?

There\'s Alexander, a tall, delicious creme brulee of a man.

There\'s Bill, a sharp-angled sweet treat, like a salted caramel brittle.

There\'s brother Gustaf, a scrumptious casserole himself.

And there\'s the original Skarsgård, father Stellan, that rosemary-scented fresh baked bread, who used his appearance in

to prove that one could still thirst even if no one had any idea what was going on with the plot.

I am here for all of the Skarsgårds. Thirst is the family business. I want a Skarsgård loyalty card. A Skars Cård, please.

We dedicate the eighth day of Thirstmas to their entire, lanky, Scandinavian family tree. Literally any of them. Is your name Skarsgård? Then you’re on this list. Bill, Alexander, Stellan, Gustaf, even long lost brother Plörp Skarsgård. Here for him too.

Did you know that there is a Scandinavian food called Kroppkakor, which translates into "body cookies." In related news, I would like to devour a box of Skarsgård Kroppkakor.

I feel like there should be a law against hot families. It’s too much. Genetics is out her doing backflips and death drops and I can’t handle it.

The Skarsgårds did a 23andMe test to find out where they were from. The results that came back just said "YOWZA."

"Where are you from? I don\'t know. Asgard? A SoulCycle studio in Chelsea? All my hopes and dreams? You tell me."

The Skarsgårds would definitely fight for your attention.

Alexander would ring you the morning after a whirlwind date. "I know it\'s against tradition but I couldn\'t wait to talk to you again. Do you, by chance, want to go to brunch and spend the day walking around museums?"

And you would reply, "But it\'s a Wednesday." And he\'d say, "Cool; I\'m outside."

As you hastily pulled on some clothes, you\'d hear a tap at your window. It\'s Bill, sitting on the fire escape, holding a tiny bird. The bird may be stuffed or it may be taxidermied. Unclear.

He\'s been walking around the city all night and wants to know if you\'d like to take a nap together and then visit an abandoned amusement park with him later.

"I can\'t nap; I have brunch plans," you say. "But I could do the amusement park. When later?"

There\'s a knock at the door and you turn for a moment. When you turn back to the fire escape, Bill is gone.

"So where are we going to brunch?" you ask as you open the door. But it is not Alexander across the threshold.

"I bought you a vineyard," Stellan says. He thrusts a piece of paper in your hands. "Here is the deed. I\'m going to a lecture now so I\'m a bit busy, but perhaps we can visit the vineyard this evening and drink two to nine bottles of champagne. How does that strike you?"

"Fabulous," Stellan says, turning on his heel. "You look wonderful and I appreciate the way your mind works." He winks at you as the elevator doors closes in front of him. You smile to yourself and then realize that before this moment, your building didn\'t have an elevator.

You opt to take the stairs, just in case. Alexander is standing on the curb, waiting for you.

"You wouldn\'t believe this," Alexander says, "But I just ran into my father and one of my brothers. They just nodded at me and carried on about their ways."

"That\'s incredible," you say. "What a coincidence. What a wild, extremely sexy Thirstmas coincidence."

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