Chapter 8
After I kiss Josh, he gives me a quizzical look and says, “I’m not convinced.”
So I kiss him again. Then he says, “I’m still not convinced.” I start to get a little annoyed and then I notice that he has a smirk on his face so I decide to play along.
“So…what’s it going to take to convince you?” He leans back in the couch, puts his hand on his chin, and says, “Well, if you put it that way…” Before he can finish his sentence, I fling a throw pillow at his head.
“Hey,” he exclaims in mock offense. Then he throws the pillow right back at me. I am about to throw it at him again when grabs my arm and pulls me toward him. He gently places his right hand on my face and wraps his left arm around my waist. I catch my breath the moment our eyes meet. Then he kisses me. I can feel my heart pounding inside my chest as the minutes pass. I feel him pulling me even closer as his kisses become more insistent. My body wants to respond in kind but my mind tells me that we need to slow things down…for now.
“Josh, could we take things a little slower.” He reluctantly loosens his grip, kisses my forehead, gives me a half-smile and then nods in agreement.
“I’m sorry I just…” He cuts me off by saying, “Don’t be sorry. There’s no need to rush things.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to,“ I blurt out. I am about to say more when he puts his fingers on my lips and says, “Shhh.”
“Maybe I should go,” I say half-heartedly. He shakes his head in response.
I feel like an idiot and I tell him so. “I’m such a dork.” He laughs then says, “But you’re my dork. And I’m hopelessly in love with you.”
“Really,” I say. “When did that happen?”
“When you kicked me in the head and gave me a concussion.”
“Oh Josh, please, “ I sarcastically reply.
“No really. I saw how upset you were to see me hurt and I began to think that maybe there was something there.”
“Why didn’t you say something before?” I ask.
He replies, “And ruin our friendship? Not worth the risk.”
“And now?” I ask. He replies, “Now I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you.”
I don’t know what to say. I look up at the clock on the wall and see that it’s past midnight. Suddenly, a feeling of exhaustion overtakes me and so I say, “It’s pretty late and it’s been a long day. You’re probably pretty worn out too so I better get going.”
“Don’t go,” he softly replies. “You can sleep in my room. I’ll take the couch. Just don’t go. Not now.”
I feel a lump in my throat and tears beginning to well up in my eyes. I say, “I’m hurting you, aren’t I?” I’m doing this all wrong.” He shakes his head but I add, “Here you are saying these wonderful things to me and doing your best to be understanding and all I’m giving you are mixed messages.”
“That’s not true. That’s not what I’m thinking,” he replies.
At this point, I’m too tired to argue and am in desperate need of a hug. “Can you just hold me?” In response, he holds out his arms to me. I bury my face in his shoulder and we just stand there for the longest time locked in an embrace. Eventually, he leads me to his room, puts a warm blanket over me and then lies down next to me. I turn my head toward him and say good night. He responds with a kiss and then wraps his arms around me as we drift off to sleep.
After I kiss Josh, he gives me a quizzical look and says, “I’m not convinced.”
So I kiss him again. Then he says, “I’m still not convinced.” I start to get a little annoyed and then I notice that he has a smirk on his face so I decide to play along.
“So…what’s it going to take to convince you?” He leans back in the couch, puts his hand on his chin, and says, “Well, if you put it that way…” Before he can finish his sentence, I fling a throw pillow at his head.
“Hey,” he exclaims in mock offense. Then he throws the pillow right back at me. I am about to throw it at him again when grabs my arm and pulls me toward him. He gently places his right hand on my face and wraps his left arm around my waist. I catch my breath the moment our eyes meet. Then he kisses me. I can feel my heart pounding inside my chest as the minutes pass. I feel him pulling me even closer as his kisses become more insistent. My body wants to respond in kind but my mind tells me that we need to slow things down…for now.
“Josh, could we take things a little slower.” He reluctantly loosens his grip, kisses my forehead, gives me a half-smile and then nods in agreement.
“I’m sorry I just…” He cuts me off by saying, “Don’t be sorry. There’s no need to rush things.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to,“ I blurt out. I am about to say more when he puts his fingers on my lips and says, “Shhh.”
“Maybe I should go,” I say half-heartedly. He shakes his head in response.
I feel like an idiot and I tell him so. “I’m such a dork.” He laughs then says, “But you’re my dork. And I’m hopelessly in love with you.”
“Really,” I say. “When did that happen?”
“When you kicked me in the head and gave me a concussion.”
“Oh Josh, please, “ I sarcastically reply.
“No really. I saw how upset you were to see me hurt and I began to think that maybe there was something there.”
“Why didn’t you say something before?” I ask.
He replies, “And ruin our friendship? Not worth the risk.”
“And now?” I ask. He replies, “Now I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you.”
I don’t know what to say. I look up at the clock on the wall and see that it’s past midnight. Suddenly, a feeling of exhaustion overtakes me and so I say, “It’s pretty late and it’s been a long day. You’re probably pretty worn out too so I better get going.”
“Don’t go,” he softly replies. “You can sleep in my room. I’ll take the couch. Just don’t go. Not now.”
I feel a lump in my throat and tears beginning to well up in my eyes. I say, “I’m hurting you, aren’t I?” I’m doing this all wrong.” He shakes his head but I add, “Here you are saying these wonderful things to me and doing your best to be understanding and all I’m giving you are mixed messages.”
“That’s not true. That’s not what I’m thinking,” he replies.
At this point, I’m too tired to argue and am in desperate need of a hug. “Can you just hold me?” In response, he holds out his arms to me. I bury my face in his shoulder and we just stand there for the longest time locked in an embrace. Eventually, he leads me to his room, puts a warm blanket over me and then lies down next to me. I turn my head toward him and say good night. He responds with a kiss and then wraps his arms around me as we drift off to sleep.