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Boyfriend Help?

I have this amazing boyfriend is such a sweetheart and his heart is pure gold. My parents love him and think that we are a good match. I agree, however I have never been attracted to him. I find him a bit repulsive and I could never imagine being "physical" with him. He weighs more than 300 pounds and possibly he is 350. He is 16 years older than me too. What bothers me is that he is fine with his weight and happy with it and doesn't want to lose any weight. Now I know that I am not at a great weight either but I weigh a lot less than he does and I am losing weight on top of it. He is not ugly, it is the weight that's the problem. However this is my first boyfriend and I have been told to not leave him and stay with him. How can I stay with him if I am not attracted to him physically? I am attracted to his personality though.

I would really appreciate it, if anyone can give me advice whether I should stay with him or leave him.

I have been seeing him I think about 5 months, and I have always felt this. I just went out with him because he is a really nice guy.
 United86 posted over a year ago
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Advice Answers

LoopyLuna96 said:
I think that you shouldn't lead him on. If it's been going on for five months, then it's unlikely to change. You should either sit down and have a proper chat with him (he needs to lose weight or lose you etc) or, if he refuses to lose weight, break up with him. You don't need to waste time, and neither does he, on a relationship that won't work. :)

Or, if you really do want to stay with him, try and work past it. He sounds like a nice guy, so it would be a shame to lose that.

But overall, I think you should be honest. If that means a breakup, then so be it.

Hope it works out. :)
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posted over a year ago 
jameswilson said:
I don't want to tell you what to do and I don't know how old you are or what stage of your life you are in, but I do believe these things are important to your decision.

If you are older and want to get married some day you may want to just move on from him if you can't see things getting past a deep friendship and attraction to his personality. Marriages are intimate relationships and I don't think it would be fair for either of you if you did not plan on having this kind of relationship.

If you are still young and perhaps would not be having a physical relationship with any man you were with regardless of weight or appearance, then maybe stick it out - you might find attraction there later on.

Overall, I think it might be best not to lead him on. If you choose to tell him the truth be kind. Don't talk down to him as if you are better because you are working to lose weight. Allow him to continue being happy with his lifestyle, even if you are not.

Good luck!
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posted over a year ago 
graystone said:
Im never been there before, but by how you described him,I can see that he's a nice guy.And you're lucky.But about this weight problem,well its kinda unhealthy.And when you (and you should)talk with him,tell him that its unhealthy to be overweight and that you will support him to get in a better shape.
I think that's all you can do and the rest depends upon his choice.
Good luck!:)
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posted over a year ago 
germany123 said:
if you are not physically attracted to him then dont go oot with him. chances are it wouldnt change anything if he lost weight. the two are not connected necessarily its just you trying to find a rational approach to this "he is such a nice guy i SHOULD like him, eeeeeeveryone likes him, he is such a good person etc etc"
fact is: if there is no attraction in the first place it will not magically appear. unless you believe in arranged relationships and that you can "learn to love someone".

listen to your own instincts( you clearly identify the problem and just seem reluctant to admit that its just.not.working.) and break it off. if people put pressure on you to stay (but he is such a nice guy! youre shallow for not looking past his appearance! ) or you find yourself feeling guilty for leaving remember to stay focused on what YOU need and YOU want for yourself. i am sure the guy is lovely and will find a better match for himself and you will find someone you like both mentally and physically.
dont sell yourself short!
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posted over a year ago 
Sonicishot said:
Sorry to say, But if you ask me, I don't think it should matter what he looks like. You should stay with him no matter if he weighs alot, or hes older than you. If he's nice to you, and he will do anything for you, cutness shouldn't matter. All that should matter is the way he treats you.
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posted over a year ago 
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